Well, there went another job over. Sweeping the floors of the pub was beyond even him these days. After his latest transformation, he'd sliced himself up pretty bad by accident and people were staring so, naturally, he had to leave. Especially when a wizard made an awkward joke about him being cursed - he wasn't sure if he was implying something or not.
With no job, his rent three weeks overdue and no prospects, Remus was just wandering. He did that sometimes. Nothing good happened to him so what was there to fear? A mugging? Ha!
He was the terrifying one to run into at 1am on the dark streets, nevermind everyone else. With a tired sigh, Remus tried to be positive and idly wondered if it was worth blowing the last of his cash on a big Cadbury's bar and just eating it all in one sitting.
There had been many ways of going around this. But frankly, Sirius was running low on patience, he only had so much time during which he felt all right leaving Harry alone and, not least of all, he had always been one for choosing the most showy and dramatic way for just about anything.
And so here he was. Flying on his motorcycle, spotting Remus on the road and swooping down. He hit him with an 'Expelliarmus!' from the back, accio'd his now discarded wand into his own hand with another quick spell. He knew speed was on his side, because Remus was a powerful wizard, but he had never been as fast as him. Few were, his penchant for acting before thinking had saved his life at least as often as it had ruined it. And now that he had reached Remus, he slung an arm around his hip and threw him in front of him across the motorcycle, perhaps slightly inspired by some cowboy movies he had seen.
He wasted no time with gaining height again, to hopefully give Remus other things to worry about than potential escape. Especially since he also still had his wand at the ready. So there he was, wand in one hand, the other on the handle, leaning over his old friend. His old friend, who was of the opinion that he was a murderous madman, having recently kidnapped and possibly killed their dead friends' son. The situation was so insane that Sirius couldn't help it. Wind tousling his hair, adrenaline coursing through his veins, the absurdity of it all hitting him... He laughed.
It all happened so fast, it was more of a shock than anything. His wand was gone, there was this horrendous noise behind him and as soon as someone grabbed him - he knew this was likely the end badly. He cried out, mostly in shock, and went to fight free but suddenly they were going up and up. Too high up! Remus cried out and flailed, having to grab on the arm around him because he was terrified he'd just free fall and die. And yes, he cried out. He most certainly did not shriek in a high pitched fashion. Not at all.
He turned his head and his eyes were full of horror.
"... Sirius?!" The motorcycle took a sharp turn and Remus looked away because turning was a lot. It was too much. He paled and stared ahead, lost in shock. "Oh my God!" What was happening?!
"Can't believe I got you shrieking." Sirius knew that this was really a situation that could end badly for both of them. He also knew that he couldn't blame Remus for shrieking, given he knew the man's issues with heights. But, Merlin, was it ever entertaining. Transported him right back to school.
Still, he had seen the horror in Remus' eyes and, after a few seconds, that did serve to bring him down from his high. He kept steering them higher up, figuring that they should be above the clouds. Felt safe, in a strange and misleading way.
"Long time no see, Moony," he ended up saying, sounding nonchalantly. He looked at the man in front of him, inspected what he could see. Worn down clothes. His hair... "Are you already greying? Damn. Silverfox."
"Sirius, what the bloody hell are you playing at?"
He tried not to panic but this man, the one he had once seen as his greatest friend, was the man who killed James and Lily. In a roundabout way. How could he have fun with him when he had done such a thing? When he had -- God, what had he done to the boy? Looking down, he bit back a noise of fear and tried to look straight ahead. That was less scary. Never look down.
"What did you do to Harry?" If he was dead then -- then what? Like he could win a fight against Sirius of all people.
Sirius wished it didn't hit him like that. But the way Remus talked to him, beyond the fear, beyond the panic of the moment. That disgust and contempt. The same he'd seen on so many people's faces since this all started. It was worse from Remus. He didn't blame his friend, but that didn't stop it from hurting. He leaned his head against Remus' neck, breathed in, eyes closing. He tried to find some familiarity, some comfort.
His breath came out in a shudder and he had to fight for composure. "Harry's fine," he managed, then shut up, because his voice sounded raw and shaky and he hated it.
"He's fine... he's all okay?" That didn't go with what he'd heard. Last he'd heard, everyone told him that Harry was likely dead. The papers were plastered with madman Sirius breaking out to do his worst to the wizarding community... he didn't seem to be. He seemed to be leaning against him like old times. Remus felt his heart ache so painfully.
God, he missed him. He missed them all. "Talk to me, Pads... what are you doing?" It was so easy to slip into the old names, the gentle tone. Even Sirius had done wrong, he wanted to know why. "What's going on?"
"Prongs, he told me--" Sirius cut himself off, because he knew he'd sound like an insane man if he kept talking like that. Of course he knew he was running that risk either way, but he could at least try. Try to sound reasonable. "Those muggles, Moony, they were awful to him! They made him sleep in a cupboard under the stairs. Why does that even exist?"
Muggle architecture was not what to go into right now, but he did have questions. "They hurt him, Moony. He never got any love. I had to get him. I'm his godfather, it's my place, innit?"
"Prongs told you?" Of course he probably did. He was out of his mind and probably riddled with guilt. He doubted that really happened but he had to go along with it. He had to save the boy as best he could from this deluded man. "Right, well, we can help him, can't we? Just let me see the boy. It would be nice, wouldn't it?"
He talked gentle and careful, like he was talking to a madman. Which, to be fair, he could be for all he knew. "Prongs would have wanted both of us to help. We're a team, right?" They were. Once. A long time ago. Before Sirius got three of them killed.
"I am trying to help him. I'd do anything for him." Sirius remembered James' words, back when he had told him to go to Remus, not him. He turned his head to the side, placed it between Remus' shoulder blades. "You are still too bleeding skinny, mate."
His heart was beating so fast. This felt fragile. False. What was Remus trying to do? "You wanna tell them where I am? Get some dementors to pick me back up. Harsh, Moony."
He scoffed out a laugh. "Can't even blame you either."
"I want to see Harry and make sure he's okay. It has nothing to do with whatever happened between us all. I want to see if the boy is well." That was it. Time for revenge and fighting was later, not now. "Look, I -- I don't know what I think. I never did! I mean... how could you?! It doesn't even make sense -- It's wrong."
Why would he have done it? Sure, he never loved Peter like a brother but he sure did love James so why would he have betrayed him? "And there's everybody calling me the traitor." He had to laugh because it all hurt so much. It didn't make any sense to him and no, he didn't want to sell Sirius out. Even if he was a rat bastard, he loved him.
He couldn't do that to him. "I have far too much mercy for you, Pads. Don't make me hurt you. I couldn't do it." They both knew it.
"I know you couldn't. I'm the killer." Sirius looked straight ahead, steering the motorcycle a little. Maybe he could take him there. Maybe he could allow him to meet Harry. Maybe it would all work out. "That's it though, isn't it? It makes sense. No one would have believed it was you or that it was Peter."
Sirius kept talking, almost just thinking out loud. "I was the powerful one, the dangerous one. Even when we weren't sure about you, Moony... Merlin, I never thought you were out there killing. Anything like that. You couldn't be. You? You are all good, you're soft. Like James... And you like rules way more than I've ever done."
There was a better way to communicate, but this was Sirius' first conversation with an adult in a long time. He didn't do well, it turned out. His mind was getting away from him and he was chuckling again. What a joke, life.
"I wouldn't have killed them. I would have sooner died. Like I'd died for Harry. I only care about the boy, I don't care about old feuds." An understatement but he was scared of arguing and getting offed before he could save the boy. He was afraid. For so many reasons. Mostly that the wind was blowing hard up here so the damn cycle was wobbling and it felt like he could fall off at any moment.
God, this was an actual nightmare.
"And no, it doesn't make sense. It will never make sense. What sense is there? You were their best friend, the godfather, the best man. If it makes sense then maybe I'm mad and I think wrong of people but I never thought that of you!" And to be made to think it? It shattered his heart. Just the idea of Sirius doing something so reckless and suffering for his crimes. It didn't make him feel good. "If it makes sense then so does--does... Severus being a charmer with the ladies. That's about as much sense as this world makes."
Sirius snorted, shaking his head. "Bloody Snivellus. Can't you just see it? Him being a player?" The thought was entertaining, he couldn't deny that. However, the fear and upset in Remus' voice was sobering, perhaps in a good way. Kept him from losing it. If he hadn't lost it already.
"Harry is safe, Remus. He's the most precious boy. Looks like James, with Lily's eyes. You ever been to see him?" Sirius really couldn't understand how Remus could stay away if he had any option. He really was better at rules than him. Whatever. He wouldn't let him stick to them any more.
He was silent for a bit, focusing on the rush of wind. "You still smell like you."
"Nah, wasn't allowed to. Besides, I could hardly pop over, could I? Didn't have the cash either. Getting to Surrey is out of my price range." He couldn't afford his rent so leaving Yorkshire? Difficult. He didn't even try it. He looked at the clouds and shivered as the wind hit him, feeling everything getting a bit much. He laughed bitterly but he wanted to cry.
"Like what? Wet wolf? Yeah, still got that smell on me. Doesn't exactly shift, does it?"
With a hard swallow, he tried his best not to fall into this trap. God, he missed Sirius. He missed him so much. "Dunno why you like it but then, you are a dog."
"True that. And you smell good. Didn't I tell you that first day we met?" Seemed like Remus should be reminded of that. Given how upset he sounded. Although, yes, of course he knew that wasn't the actual cause of his upset. How did he do it? Why didn't he already explain?
He was scared, he realised. Scared that he could lay it all out there and still not be believed. "I'm a coward."
He sighed, breathed against Remus' neck and then he finally spoke. "He's alive, Moony. Wormtail. The bloody rat. He's alive."
"... No, he's not. He died. I -- they showed me his bloody finger." It was revolting. God, Peter. His idiot friend. Was it mean to think of him that way? Hard not to. He wasn't the brightest boy and he had started to drift later in their friendship but he assumed that was paranoid. He was a werewolf, after all. He blamed no one for their odd behaviour towards him, he always assumed they had an excuse.
"He couldn't be." He didn't like where this was going because if he was alive then -- then this changed a lot. "He-- he's too stupid to have done anything, Pads. He's not devious, not got the brain for it."
"Maybe not. That's what we all thought, wasn't it?" Sirius laughed, shaking his head. "Poor Peter. Couldn't find his way out of a paper bag. Always just there, tagging along with stronger friends. Hiding behind me and James."
It wasn't as if they didn't know. He had liked Peter, once. He had looked down on him a lot too, couldn't deny that, often found him annoying. Especially in his stupid, moon-eyed admiration of James. Not good for that boy's ego, that much was for sure. "Only, you know, then? Didn't look like we were all that strong anymore, did it? No good for hiding behind. So I guess he went out and found stronger friends."
That was the best he could ever read into the scenario. "Think they gave him advice. Taught him a trick or two. Remus, mate, that curse that blew up the street? Twelve muggles dead and poor, innocent Peter? Couldn't have been him. Had to be power behind a curse like that, and intent. Only... Think we got him wrong. Thought too little and too much at once."
Not Peter. Why? Why would he do that? He was a soft, stupid boy. He liked potatoes, candy, playing around. They play wrestled over chocolate frogs all the bloody time and Peter always piggy backed him from the woods in the mornings before everyone else had their growth spurts. Ironically, Peter had his first.
It didn't make him happier to know that if Sirius didn't do it, Peter did. But it made perfect sense. Anger built up in him and he glared. "I'll kill the slimy little bastard."
"Rats are small. Good luck finding him." Sirius spoke quickly, because suddenly this felt like it could slip through his fingers if he missed the moment. The moment where he was finally believed. "It was my idea."
His voice sounded hoarse. The guilt didn't lessen, just because he had been punished for something he hadn't done. What he had done was bad enough, mistake or not. "I suggested it to James and Lily. Pick Wormtail, not me. Who would suspect it? Thought I was bloody brilliant, I did. They'd go after me, never him. Only, he went to them. Went right to You Know Who's doorstep, probably."
"It wasn't a bad idea, Pads. You didn't know. It's not you, it's him."
He was very easily convinced, moreso than most might be but, well, Remus was desperate. He wanted his friends, he wanted his former crush and, honestly, he didn't want to fight any more. It was more logical to him that Peter could do it than Sirius and that was all he wanted to hear.
"So... when you gonna go down?" Cause this was horrifying. "Can't you drive it like a normal muggle?"
"I'm not a normal muggle, I'm an insane pure-blood," Sirius informed Remus, while stirring the motorcycle down a little. He should probably get a clearer idea of where they were at, anyway. This still felt fragile, but he was at least as desperate as Remus. Maybe more so. "We're going to my uncle's old house. It's in my possession. All Black stuff is, it's kind of insane. Ancient magic and all, doesn't matter that I got disowned."
He was entertained by that. "Harry is there. I told him about you already. He loves you. He's... He's like James, you know? He wants people to be happy."
"I always liked the sounds of your uncle." He was a delight compared to all the other Blacks. Not that he'd met many besides Sirius and his brother. And his brother had been a bit of a dolt so he wasn't really calling high in his standards. "I can imagine he's a lot like James. That kind of spirit doesn't get broken. Him and Lily, they were unstoppable. Their son will be too."
If he took even a little after his father and mother, he'd be the boy he imagined.
"We are close now. Remus, I need you. That's why I came to get you. I can't get anything in Diagon Alley or whatever. Need potion ingredients, need supplies... I mean, Harry's school age now, but I can't exactly show up at any school. I reckon he can't really either. They'd question him on me, if they ever catch on."
Why did it have to be so complicated? Long-term planning had never been a particular strength of his, as complex as his pranks might have gotten at times. "I've been trying to teach him, but... Blimey, Moony, you know how bad I always was with it all. I just keep tossing around balls with him instead."
"So you've taught him to catch and --" The bike jostled and Remus yelped and turned around, gripping onto Sirius. Landing and going down was as bad as bloody flying. Closing his eyes, he gulped. "Urgh, God, Pads. Just tell me when we hit solid ground and then we can discuss how I will teach the boy."
Yes, of course he was volunteering. Like he'd ever do anything else. This was what it was and he wasn't going back now. He could, however, take care of the boy himself. Once Sirius was done scaring him.
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With no job, his rent three weeks overdue and no prospects, Remus was just wandering. He did that sometimes. Nothing good happened to him so what was there to fear? A mugging? Ha!
He was the terrifying one to run into at 1am on the dark streets, nevermind everyone else. With a tired sigh, Remus tried to be positive and idly wondered if it was worth blowing the last of his cash on a big Cadbury's bar and just eating it all in one sitting.
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And so here he was. Flying on his motorcycle, spotting Remus on the road and swooping down. He hit him with an 'Expelliarmus!' from the back, accio'd his now discarded wand into his own hand with another quick spell. He knew speed was on his side, because Remus was a powerful wizard, but he had never been as fast as him. Few were, his penchant for acting before thinking had saved his life at least as often as it had ruined it. And now that he had reached Remus, he slung an arm around his hip and threw him in front of him across the motorcycle, perhaps slightly inspired by some cowboy movies he had seen.
He wasted no time with gaining height again, to hopefully give Remus other things to worry about than potential escape. Especially since he also still had his wand at the ready. So there he was, wand in one hand, the other on the handle, leaning over his old friend. His old friend, who was of the opinion that he was a murderous madman, having recently kidnapped and possibly killed their dead friends' son. The situation was so insane that Sirius couldn't help it. Wind tousling his hair, adrenaline coursing through his veins, the absurdity of it all hitting him... He laughed.
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He turned his head and his eyes were full of horror.
"... Sirius?!" The motorcycle took a sharp turn and Remus looked away because turning was a lot. It was too much. He paled and stared ahead, lost in shock. "Oh my God!" What was happening?!
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Still, he had seen the horror in Remus' eyes and, after a few seconds, that did serve to bring him down from his high. He kept steering them higher up, figuring that they should be above the clouds. Felt safe, in a strange and misleading way.
"Long time no see, Moony," he ended up saying, sounding nonchalantly. He looked at the man in front of him, inspected what he could see. Worn down clothes. His hair... "Are you already greying? Damn. Silverfox."
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He tried not to panic but this man, the one he had once seen as his greatest friend, was the man who killed James and Lily. In a roundabout way. How could he have fun with him when he had done such a thing? When he had -- God, what had he done to the boy? Looking down, he bit back a noise of fear and tried to look straight ahead. That was less scary. Never look down.
"What did you do to Harry?" If he was dead then -- then what? Like he could win a fight against Sirius of all people.
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His breath came out in a shudder and he had to fight for composure. "Harry's fine," he managed, then shut up, because his voice sounded raw and shaky and he hated it.
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God, he missed him. He missed them all. "Talk to me, Pads... what are you doing?" It was so easy to slip into the old names, the gentle tone. Even Sirius had done wrong, he wanted to know why. "What's going on?"
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Muggle architecture was not what to go into right now, but he did have questions. "They hurt him, Moony. He never got any love. I had to get him. I'm his godfather, it's my place, innit?"
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He talked gentle and careful, like he was talking to a madman. Which, to be fair, he could be for all he knew. "Prongs would have wanted both of us to help. We're a team, right?" They were. Once. A long time ago. Before Sirius got three of them killed.
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His heart was beating so fast. This felt fragile. False. What was Remus trying to do? "You wanna tell them where I am? Get some dementors to pick me back up. Harsh, Moony."
He scoffed out a laugh. "Can't even blame you either."
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Why would he have done it? Sure, he never loved Peter like a brother but he sure did love James so why would he have betrayed him? "And there's everybody calling me the traitor." He had to laugh because it all hurt so much. It didn't make any sense to him and no, he didn't want to sell Sirius out. Even if he was a rat bastard, he loved him.
He couldn't do that to him. "I have far too much mercy for you, Pads. Don't make me hurt you. I couldn't do it." They both knew it.
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Sirius kept talking, almost just thinking out loud. "I was the powerful one, the dangerous one. Even when we weren't sure about you, Moony... Merlin, I never thought you were out there killing. Anything like that. You couldn't be. You? You are all good, you're soft. Like James... And you like rules way more than I've ever done."
There was a better way to communicate, but this was Sirius' first conversation with an adult in a long time. He didn't do well, it turned out. His mind was getting away from him and he was chuckling again. What a joke, life.
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God, this was an actual nightmare.
"And no, it doesn't make sense. It will never make sense. What sense is there? You were their best friend, the godfather, the best man. If it makes sense then maybe I'm mad and I think wrong of people but I never thought that of you!" And to be made to think it? It shattered his heart. Just the idea of Sirius doing something so reckless and suffering for his crimes. It didn't make him feel good. "If it makes sense then so does--does... Severus being a charmer with the ladies. That's about as much sense as this world makes."
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"Harry is safe, Remus. He's the most precious boy. Looks like James, with Lily's eyes. You ever been to see him?" Sirius really couldn't understand how Remus could stay away if he had any option. He really was better at rules than him. Whatever. He wouldn't let him stick to them any more.
He was silent for a bit, focusing on the rush of wind. "You still smell like you."
Maybe a weird thing to say. "I like it."
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"Like what? Wet wolf? Yeah, still got that smell on me. Doesn't exactly shift, does it?"
With a hard swallow, he tried his best not to fall into this trap. God, he missed Sirius. He missed him so much. "Dunno why you like it but then, you are a dog."
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He was scared, he realised. Scared that he could lay it all out there and still not be believed. "I'm a coward."
He sighed, breathed against Remus' neck and then he finally spoke. "He's alive, Moony. Wormtail. The bloody rat. He's alive."
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"He couldn't be." He didn't like where this was going because if he was alive then -- then this changed a lot. "He-- he's too stupid to have done anything, Pads. He's not devious, not got the brain for it."
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It wasn't as if they didn't know. He had liked Peter, once. He had looked down on him a lot too, couldn't deny that, often found him annoying. Especially in his stupid, moon-eyed admiration of James. Not good for that boy's ego, that much was for sure. "Only, you know, then? Didn't look like we were all that strong anymore, did it? No good for hiding behind. So I guess he went out and found stronger friends."
That was the best he could ever read into the scenario. "Think they gave him advice. Taught him a trick or two. Remus, mate, that curse that blew up the street? Twelve muggles dead and poor, innocent Peter? Couldn't have been him. Had to be power behind a curse like that, and intent. Only... Think we got him wrong. Thought too little and too much at once."
Sirius was laughing again. It was hard to stop.
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Not Peter. Why? Why would he do that? He was a soft, stupid boy. He liked potatoes, candy, playing around. They play wrestled over chocolate frogs all the bloody time and Peter always piggy backed him from the woods in the mornings before everyone else had their growth spurts. Ironically, Peter had his first.
It didn't make him happier to know that if Sirius didn't do it, Peter did. But it made perfect sense. Anger built up in him and he glared. "I'll kill the slimy little bastard."
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His voice sounded hoarse. The guilt didn't lessen, just because he had been punished for something he hadn't done. What he had done was bad enough, mistake or not. "I suggested it to James and Lily. Pick Wormtail, not me. Who would suspect it? Thought I was bloody brilliant, I did. They'd go after me, never him. Only, he went to them. Went right to You Know Who's doorstep, probably."
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He was very easily convinced, moreso than most might be but, well, Remus was desperate. He wanted his friends, he wanted his former crush and, honestly, he didn't want to fight any more. It was more logical to him that Peter could do it than Sirius and that was all he wanted to hear.
"So... when you gonna go down?" Cause this was horrifying. "Can't you drive it like a normal muggle?"
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He was entertained by that. "Harry is there. I told him about you already. He loves you. He's... He's like James, you know? He wants people to be happy."
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If he took even a little after his father and mother, he'd be the boy he imagined.
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Why did it have to be so complicated? Long-term planning had never been a particular strength of his, as complex as his pranks might have gotten at times. "I've been trying to teach him, but... Blimey, Moony, you know how bad I always was with it all. I just keep tossing around balls with him instead."
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Yes, of course he was volunteering. Like he'd ever do anything else. This was what it was and he wasn't going back now. He could, however, take care of the boy himself. Once Sirius was done scaring him.
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