"Then believe it, yeah? You'll always be my friend. Friendship is stronger than whatever's coming. It's got to be." Sirius just wished. He wished so desperately for a future that he knew was unlikely to happen for him. But he could push that thought away, just focus on the present. "Always." He gave a nod.
Not for the mudblood, not for the wrong he did. Just that. Exclusively. "I'll try to do better in future. You have to know by now that I'd do anything I can for you. And maybe I can't do everything you want of me but I can try for you." The only person he would try for. "Are we... Are we still friends?"
"Yeah. Course we are." Sirius believed in friendship. He didn't want his friendship to fall apart. And Severus had been a part of him for so long. Part of his life. He couldn't bear the thought of that ending. Especially in a world where ending friendships might mean fighting on different sides.
He pulled back, shaking himself to try and get rid of the melancholy. Returning to the desk he was cleaning, he picked the sponge back up, trying to think of how to change the topic. "So. Are you dating anyone?"
Well. He had just kind of insulted his ex, so he guessed there was a tangential link.
"No." Severus was unsure if that was some kind of trap or joke because... honestly, no one dated him. He was repellent with cause. It was no mere accident that he didn't shower. He did, however, recently start brushing his teeth. Make of that what you will. He scrubbed at the table again, eager to get out of detention.
"I know you were seeing her but I suppose that's over with." Good. "Anyone else in mind?"
"Not really." Sirius frowned, paused, wet his lips and then started scrubbing again. He really had never been any good at hiding his feelings, for better or worse. "I don't know. It's not for me, I guess. I just can't with girls. I don't get why everyone's all over it. I know, they all think I just... Whatever, but nah. Good for the ego, I guess."
He was a teenage boy. Of course he was ready to let people believe he was a player. "I like hanging with boys more."
"I can't say I love either but I do have a preference to being with men. Though, admittedly, that may just be because of my fondness for you." Otherwise, he didn't really think of that stuff and he had little desire for it. Physical contact was not something he really craved, if he was perfectly honest. He loved to be alone. "I prefer you."
He smiled a little at Sirius, awkward and unsure but knowing how he felt. "I suppose I'm not a typical teenage boy. I'm bad at this kind of talk."
Maybe if he hadn't at the moment so distracted by another stain, the words would have sunken in a bit more. As it was, Sirius was connecting some of it and not at all drawing some other connections, focused on scrubbing away, even as they talked. "It's different for everyone, mate. Lots of boys get awkward about it."
Just in his experience. "I've dreamt about snogging blokes though. A bloke, anyway. Think it's normal."
Which guy? Who was he kissing? God help him, it better not be fucking James Potter or fuck the world, he was going to burn this place to the ground. He scrubbed hard to fight back the venom he wished to spew out right now. He didn't even know it was James. "You like men as much as women, is what you're saying?" Huh. Well. "Muggles have a word for that, I heard it tossed around before."
"Oh, we have a lot of words for it too. My parents use them about my uncle, it's grand." Sirius rolled his eyes. Then he smirked, turned and pulled his shirt up. "I do like shirtlifter."
Just seemed silly, honestly. "As if girls don't like it when I lift my shirt." He was just saying. "And I don't know. I've never had a dream about doing stuff with a girl, you know? But I've done stuff with girls. So maybe it's equal."
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, letting go of his shirt again. "You don't want to do that though, right? To a bloke. I mean, I'd love it. You know me. I live to be my parents' shame. But if there's some bloke who's already struggling with so much stuff in his life... Nah."
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That sounded good.
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Not for the mudblood, not for the wrong he did. Just that. Exclusively. "I'll try to do better in future. You have to know by now that I'd do anything I can for you. And maybe I can't do everything you want of me but I can try for you." The only person he would try for. "Are we... Are we still friends?"
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He pulled back, shaking himself to try and get rid of the melancholy. Returning to the desk he was cleaning, he picked the sponge back up, trying to think of how to change the topic. "So. Are you dating anyone?"
Well. He had just kind of insulted his ex, so he guessed there was a tangential link.
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"I know you were seeing her but I suppose that's over with." Good. "Anyone else in mind?"
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He was a teenage boy. Of course he was ready to let people believe he was a player. "I like hanging with boys more."
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He smiled a little at Sirius, awkward and unsure but knowing how he felt. "I suppose I'm not a typical teenage boy. I'm bad at this kind of talk."
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Just in his experience. "I've dreamt about snogging blokes though. A bloke, anyway. Think it's normal."
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Which guy? Who was he kissing? God help him, it better not be fucking James Potter or fuck the world, he was going to burn this place to the ground. He scrubbed hard to fight back the venom he wished to spew out right now. He didn't even know it was James. "You like men as much as women, is what you're saying?" Huh. Well. "Muggles have a word for that, I heard it tossed around before."
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Just seemed silly, honestly. "As if girls don't like it when I lift my shirt." He was just saying. "And I don't know. I've never had a dream about doing stuff with a girl, you know? But I've done stuff with girls. So maybe it's equal."
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, letting go of his shirt again. "You don't want to do that though, right? To a bloke. I mean, I'd love it. You know me. I live to be my parents' shame. But if there's some bloke who's already struggling with so much stuff in his life... Nah."