Holden looked into the mirror to try and sort his hair out so he wouldn't look as if he had just tumbled around in a bed - even if that was exactly what he had just done. "It starts at 4:30. I'm hoping to talk Remus into sticking around for it, but it might depend on Sirius."
Here was hoping that Sirius would realise he should stick around for it too. All well, living in the moment and partying, but the support was necessary too. "We should really get sandwiches or something."
Spitting, he rinsed his mouth out and set his toothbrush back, wiping his mouth on a towel before he re-emerged. "It's not fun. First meeting and all. You have to confront your peers. See the men who suffer like you. Watch them die. I remember my first group. I had the shortest expectancy but I'm still standing. No one else is."
And that sucked a lot. He still visited the graves of a few of them who died disowned and alone. He would never stop resenting their families for it. "I'll try and talk him round, see if he can come along. It's good, if not difficult. Community matters."
"He has his parents, but he's trying to protect them from some of it. Still, we all need someone. Something." Holden frowned, crossing his arms. "It's what they like to say about us. That it's a sad life. A lonely life. I almost felt that was true when I was that age. Couldn't hold onto anyone then."
But time had passed. He had gained wisdom and some things have changed. "I've found family here. That's what I want all those young idiots to understand. We are strong when we're together. We've beaten so much and we'll beat this too. Even that damn virus. I believe in that."
"Yeah, we gotta stay positive. HIV positive." Felix teased as he came over to Holden and stroked his hair, trying to make it look less ruffled too. "It ain't a sad and lonely life unless you make it one. There's a lot of us. One in five, ain't it? We aren't as small as people think. We aren't alone either. One day they'll see it. Give it thirty years, maybe forty, and we'll have less to march for. I can feel it."
He pulled away, shrugging, trying not to look at Holden. "I won't live to see it but hopefully, you know, some of those kids will."
"You don't know that, Felix. You are clearly too stubborn to die." His heart hurt, of course it did. He didn't want to even imagine a world without Felix in it. Holden reached for Felix's hand and threaded their fingers together. "You'll keep taking care of yourself and you'll keep proving those doctors wrong. I know you will."
He had to have faith in that too. "As long as you eat a nutritional breakfast, at least."
"I dunno, I hope I die before I'm 50. That's a horrible thought. Honestly, 40 is bad enough." And that one was looming. Fucking yikes to that.
"I'll go eat, you go work and I'll make some snacks for the meeting. Oh and make sure Hartley sits by Remus, we gotta do some creative sitting. Get him off those meds." If he knew anything, it was that AZT was the worst thing to happen to so many of his friends and he didn't like the odds for Remus.
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Here was hoping that Sirius would realise he should stick around for it too. All well, living in the moment and partying, but the support was necessary too. "We should really get sandwiches or something."
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And that sucked a lot. He still visited the graves of a few of them who died disowned and alone. He would never stop resenting their families for it. "I'll try and talk him round, see if he can come along. It's good, if not difficult. Community matters."
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But time had passed. He had gained wisdom and some things have changed. "I've found family here. That's what I want all those young idiots to understand. We are strong when we're together. We've beaten so much and we'll beat this too. Even that damn virus. I believe in that."
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He pulled away, shrugging, trying not to look at Holden. "I won't live to see it but hopefully, you know, some of those kids will."
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He had to have faith in that too. "As long as you eat a nutritional breakfast, at least."
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"I'll go eat, you go work and I'll make some snacks for the meeting. Oh and make sure Hartley sits by Remus, we gotta do some creative sitting. Get him off those meds." If he knew anything, it was that AZT was the worst thing to happen to so many of his friends and he didn't like the odds for Remus.