Remus didn't cry, he didn't really cry much. He was most resigned and tired, showing his sadness more in his eyes and his movements than anything else. Not to say he was too manly to cry, he sobbed like a little baby when he got his results but now, it was so far in that he had fully accepted all of it. "I take AZT. Every four hours."
He got out his pill box and held it up for Holden. "They told me if I ever stop, I'll lose all the time I'm buying." And he wanted to keep that time. For Sirius, for playing house, for being alive for the first time. He wanted to live before he died. "It's just hard. Makes me really sick and sometimes, it makes my nose bleed and then I have to try and stop it... it's-- difficult."
Remus laughed a little and slipped his pills away. "But I make do, it's not so bad."
"Yeah, see... It's up to you, of course. Your decision. But Felix stopped with those because we noticed that the people we knew taking them, they'd die faster. Take a turn for the worse quickly. I'm no scientist, but the way a scientist we do know explained it, it seems as if it's fighting the disease, sure, but it's also fighting you." Holden frowned, wishing he was a little better at explaining this. "He's called Hartley Rathaway, that scientist. I'm sure he won't mind meeting you and telling you himself. He comes to the support group meetings. His partner is quite sick."
With an attitude to match. "Remember. Felix isn't taking those and he's not doing so badly. You've seen him."
"He also looks stronger than me. I'm pretty weak, dunno if I can pull it off. I think it'd take a miracle. Then again, so does me being alive even now." Remus had to laugh, it was kind of funny. He leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling, wondering if it was worth gambling on. If it was worth trusting strangers over his doctors. Given their stellar advise up until now, maybe it was worth trusting Holden. "Maybe if your scientist has time, he can explain it to me like I'm five or something but -- I'd love stopping."
The side effects were, literally, killing him. "I'm usually not... not this impulsive. Going off with some guy. Living with him. Moving cities. I just -- you know, I just lost it all. Got fired, can't pay rent, what else am I gonna do?" He smiled at Holden, laughing a little. "I never thought that though - like fucking hell, he's handsome. How did that happen?!"
"Yeah, he rather is, isn't he? He's got a temper and no impulse control, takes every joke too far, but if you can live with that, I reckon you got lucky for a change there." Which felt good. He'd much rather it was that than Sirius running off with some idiot who didn't deserve it. "Look. For now, come here a few days a week. Help me sort the deliveries. Nothing too much, nothing too strenuous, but I could use the help and I can employ you. Pay you a bit."
Better than nothing, he supposed. "And you talk to our scientist and then have the most wonderful life with that beautiful boy over there, for however long you can."
Said boy was apparently returning, based on the increase in sound. "Here's one tip: Embrace the looks. When they stare because you're with the hottest bloke in the room. Don't get insecure. Get cocky. It's what I've had to learn."
"I have a job?" He was hired for something. He was going to get paid? Holy shit. What the fuck? He was going to have something to do again. He frowned and then, after it sunk in, he smiled hopefully at Holden. "Thank you."
For that and the advise. Get cocky? Well. He could try.
"Darling, I sorted out boy out." Felix called out as they re-entered, coming over to look at Holden and then Remus, a small frown. "Why is the energy so low in here? I was expected a nerdy book party."
"I told him I have AIDS." Remus confessed, assuming it was okay, given that Felix was sick too and Sirius knew. "And then he hired me... I think. Sirius, I have a job."
"And that got you down? I get that, I hate having a job too," Sirius said it with a grin, walking over to Remus and bending down so he could take his hand in his. He lifted it up to his lips and kissed it, looking into Remus's eyes the whole time. "I missed you."
Holden rolled his eyes and got up, sidestepping the young love. "He is taking those meds you stopped. I told him that he should talk to Hartley, so he can convince him to stop too."
One of Hartley's many causes. Next to stopping capitalism and curing AIDS. He was a busy and very driven young man.
"I'm not unhappy, just ... shocked." He leaned up, kissing Sirius and then reaching up, slipping his fingers into Sirius' belt so he could play with it a little.
"Oh yeah? Damn. Those meds are toxic. I am the only one from my original support group left standing and I'm the only one to avoid AZT. It buys time for some but not radically and not always. Do yourself a favour, don't take it." Felix advised as he crossed his arms and looked sideways at Holden. "They're using us as guinea pigs, Hartley is so right. Trying to off us gays, first by being lazy and now by giving us some rejected cancer stuff."
"We'll let Hartley do the talking. He's way scarier than you." Holden didn't want to pressure Remus too much all at once, especially since there was now also a concerned look on Sirius's face. Clearly the ball was rolling. "Did you teach Sirius your wardrobe trick?"
"Oh yeah, I think I've worked it out now." Sirius said it cheerily enough, tabling his worry for now. Instead he looked at Remus with a smile. "For an old bloke, Felix is pretty all right at dancing. You should see him some time, it's almost impressive. Not as good as me, of course..."
"You know, Sirius, that arrogance will be a lot less charming once the boyishness fades from your looks." Holden laughed when Sirius playfully stuck his tongue out, shaking his head. "Cheeky. Go next door and buy a paddle, Remus, maybe you can teach him some manners."
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He got out his pill box and held it up for Holden. "They told me if I ever stop, I'll lose all the time I'm buying." And he wanted to keep that time. For Sirius, for playing house, for being alive for the first time. He wanted to live before he died. "It's just hard. Makes me really sick and sometimes, it makes my nose bleed and then I have to try and stop it... it's-- difficult."
Remus laughed a little and slipped his pills away. "But I make do, it's not so bad."
no subject
With an attitude to match. "Remember. Felix isn't taking those and he's not doing so badly. You've seen him."
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The side effects were, literally, killing him. "I'm usually not... not this impulsive. Going off with some guy. Living with him. Moving cities. I just -- you know, I just lost it all. Got fired, can't pay rent, what else am I gonna do?" He smiled at Holden, laughing a little. "I never thought that though - like fucking hell, he's handsome. How did that happen?!"
no subject
Better than nothing, he supposed. "And you talk to our scientist and then have the most wonderful life with that beautiful boy over there, for however long you can."
Said boy was apparently returning, based on the increase in sound. "Here's one tip: Embrace the looks. When they stare because you're with the hottest bloke in the room. Don't get insecure. Get cocky. It's what I've had to learn."
no subject
For that and the advise. Get cocky? Well. He could try.
"Darling, I sorted out boy out." Felix called out as they re-entered, coming over to look at Holden and then Remus, a small frown. "Why is the energy so low in here? I was expected a nerdy book party."
"I told him I have AIDS." Remus confessed, assuming it was okay, given that Felix was sick too and Sirius knew. "And then he hired me... I think. Sirius, I have a job."
no subject
Holden rolled his eyes and got up, sidestepping the young love. "He is taking those meds you stopped. I told him that he should talk to Hartley, so he can convince him to stop too."
One of Hartley's many causes. Next to stopping capitalism and curing AIDS. He was a busy and very driven young man.
no subject
"Oh yeah? Damn. Those meds are toxic. I am the only one from my original support group left standing and I'm the only one to avoid AZT. It buys time for some but not radically and not always. Do yourself a favour, don't take it." Felix advised as he crossed his arms and looked sideways at Holden. "They're using us as guinea pigs, Hartley is so right. Trying to off us gays, first by being lazy and now by giving us some rejected cancer stuff."
no subject
"Oh yeah, I think I've worked it out now." Sirius said it cheerily enough, tabling his worry for now. Instead he looked at Remus with a smile. "For an old bloke, Felix is pretty all right at dancing. You should see him some time, it's almost impressive. Not as good as me, of course..."
"You know, Sirius, that arrogance will be a lot less charming once the boyishness fades from your looks." Holden laughed when Sirius playfully stuck his tongue out, shaking his head. "Cheeky. Go next door and buy a paddle, Remus, maybe you can teach him some manners."