"You get closer to Potter year after year and you see me less and less as days go by. I don't mind it, I just wonder sometimes. I worry you'll realise I'm not the sort you want as a friend." He heard what people said about him, he was bullied constantly through the years and he did always wonder if something would give and Sirius would change.
Looking down at him, he smiled. Handsome? Cute. "Would you be up for... no, I doubt you would." Severus sighed and picked up his book, leading Sirius on a little to peak his interest. "Nevermind."
"James got nothing to do with us," Sirius said dismissively, knowing that, yes, of course he did. They clashed a lot, James and Severus, and he got why, from both perspectives. He was irritated by both of them sometimes, maybe especially Severus, but he didn't want to think of that right now.
Especially not with Severus doing that. He whined and then clambered up, crawling closer to Severus and pushing his book down. "What? What?"
"No, you'll think it's weird and you'll not want it so why should we discuss it?" Nothing annoyed and baited Sirius faster than leading him on and implying he couldn't do it. Rolling his eyes, he moved his book aside and shuffled a bit so he could get away and keep reading. Not that he was, he was just waiting for Sirius to cave.
"I was merely going to suggest a--a friendship bond. A sort of rite of togetherness but I figure you wouldn't go in for it." Severus sighed again and flicked a page ahead. "It could be painful and it's probably a bit much so shall we forget this?"
"Tell me bout it!" Sirius was trying to bat at the book again, wanting Severus' attention properly, so he would actually talk to him. Dumb book. He would have ripped it from him and thrown it by now if it didn't look pretty old. "I'm good with pain, you know that. Now tell me!"
He wanted to know! He liked friendship and, well. He really liked proving himself.
"It's stronger than you probably fancy." He moved the book away and tutted lightly, not giving Sirius the attention that he wanted. "It's blood magic. In a sense of it but more playful. I suppose muggles call it 'blood brothers'. I know boys at the Spinner's End playground who do it but this is more powerful." If muggles could do it, why couldn't two wizards? Well, the implication was much darker but Sirius didn't have to know that.
Sirius didn't need to know a thing. "It just means we'll always be friends. Brothers. I thought it'd be nice but..."
"...blood magic is almost always dark magic, Sev." And he knew Sev knew that. Sirius was oblivious at times, but he wasn't naive. Besides, he had listened to enough of James' rants about Severus and he knew that his friend had a point. He could imagine what James would say if he found out about this. "We are always gonna be friends. I think friendship is magic as it is. No spell needed. Like love, right?"
And, no, he didn't like the feeling that he was backing away from a challenge here. Nor did he like disappointing a friend.
"I figured you'd say that. It's okay." Severus smiled without much to it and then went back to his book, picking it up and turning away from Sirius. He didn't expect him to give so swiftly, he wasn't a fool but he could plant the seeds. He knew that wasn't quite as hard.
"Disappointing but expected but... you really should be more open minded. Dark doesn't equal evil. Dark is simply stronger. No, wrong. Intenser? I know you have a bad opinion and bad experiences but I've seen the beauty in it." Then he looked flipped a page in his book. "As I say, muggles do it so I'd hardly call it dark magic. It's not as bleak as you'd think. It's more a metaphor. It's sharing life. What is inherently evil about blood?"
"Doesn't have to be evil. But it is more often than not." Sirius shrugged, frowning as he looked up into the leafy green of the tree, this time not demanding Severus' attention. "Maybe dark is more intense, but I don't know if that's a good thing. Extremes rarely are."
He said it, wisely, even though he was someone who often fluctuated between extremes. Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn't feel at ease any more and he felt the urge to go and touch base with James. The day felt less sunny suddenly and James could always chase the darkness away.
"...anyway, maybe I should get a girlfriend." There, topic changed.
Severus looked at his book, not feeling disappointed because he never expected and, besides, it's not over yet. He slipped his hand into his robe pocket and pulled out a necklace, holding it out to Sirius without looking up from his book. "For you. It's a present. Don't worry, it's not dark. I made it myself, it has minor healing properties. It contains Murtlap tentacle mixed into the wood."
The pendant was a simple and jagged piece of wood with a sloppily carved SB on it. He had infused it with something to keep him safe. "As long as you follow that reckless Potter, you need a little safety. It's a token."
"Give me some credit, Sev. I'm more reckless than he is!" Well, they were neck on neck anyway. He looked at the pendant, smiling as he inspected it. Then he suddenly hugged Severus, holding him close. "You're so evil! I don't have anything for you!"
Now he really had to give him something. He closed his fist around the pendant, then let go of Severus, just so he could lean forward and brush his hair to the side, moving the necklace around his neck. "Can you help me do it up?"
"Of course." Severus nodded, glad he'd earned a hug and a smile. He knew he could get away with most things if he played it right. Asking never hurt as long as he covered it with something sweet. A gesture of affection always worked for boys like Sirius. Sentimental.
Putting it on for him, he tied the back firmly and then let go, looking at the necklace with a soft smile - a rare sight from him. "It'll help you heal faster. Not super fast but it will cut the time of minor colds in half and surface damage will go swifter. Less chance of scarring too."
"You are such a genius, you know that? I'm sooo bad at healing magic, but you? You could be a healer one day, if you wanted to." Sirius meant it as a compliment, given how notoriously difficult healing magic was. That Severus was actually making his own enchanted objects using it was seriously impressive. He put a hand on Severus' shoulder and caught his eyes, smiling brightly. "Thanks. I mean it. I'll get you something in turn, I promise."
"I think I'd just specialise in potions. It has a broad range - a spectrum I could play in." He did know he had an amazing capacity to do good. He could help a lot of people, cure a lot of ills and really do good but... he just didn't want to. Sounded dull. Besides, he couldn't care less about people. He only cared about Sirius. "I do wish you'd trust me more not to always do the worst but I appreciate that you can still see my best."
"I trust you to want the best. I'm just worried what you'd do to get to that best." And, also, what Severus thought the best was. Sometimes he wasn't sure. He knew James didn't lie and James had told him some things. Sirius hated being stuck between two friends. "I'm just worried. I know that dark magic is tempting. It's powerful and all. But--"
He really wished he was better at putting this into words. "It's not a tool. I think eventually, it always makes the wielder into the tool."
"Agree to disagree. I'm not saying it's always ideal or always morally right but it's not exactly wrong to use. Nor is it always bad. Weak minds fall into it, like with good magic too. The best can be compelled to the worst. I don't believe that will happen to me. Funnily enough." With a small frown, he turned and looked at Sirius, meeting his eyes.
"I would never do anything to harm or upset you. Please know that. You're my best friend."
"I know. I know that." Sirius reached up to grab the pendant with his hand, realising that he didn't know that. What he did believe was that at this moment, Severus certainly meant it. He smiled, gesturing with the pendant. "Friends forever, right? We can't let anything come between that."
"As long as we keep close, we will. And I promise you, dear Sirius." He picked up his book again and looked away, content to focus elsewhere. "If you ever are so bold as to try blood magic with me, I would never hurt you. You'll see - the magic is far brighter than even the strongest healing spell. Blood is pure and good."
And he was standing by it. "You'll understand one day."
Sirius made a face, simply because of how Severus said 'blood' so close to 'pure'. He heard his family motto, so ingrained in his mind, and everything inside him revolted. With a shake of his head that was followed by really just shaking his whole body around, he jumped to his feet. "We'll see! Hey, I'll catch up with you later, James needs me."
James didn't look overly needy, but he was sure James would welcome his return anyway. And he felt as if he needed some room to breathe. And so he ran over to the lake's shore, catching James, who had gotten out of the water, and tackling him right down to the ground.
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Looking down at him, he smiled. Handsome? Cute. "Would you be up for... no, I doubt you would." Severus sighed and picked up his book, leading Sirius on a little to peak his interest. "Nevermind."
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Especially not with Severus doing that. He whined and then clambered up, crawling closer to Severus and pushing his book down. "What? What?"
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"I was merely going to suggest a--a friendship bond. A sort of rite of togetherness but I figure you wouldn't go in for it." Severus sighed again and flicked a page ahead. "It could be painful and it's probably a bit much so shall we forget this?"
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He wanted to know! He liked friendship and, well. He really liked proving himself.
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Sirius didn't need to know a thing. "It just means we'll always be friends. Brothers. I thought it'd be nice but..."
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And, no, he didn't like the feeling that he was backing away from a challenge here. Nor did he like disappointing a friend.
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"Disappointing but expected but... you really should be more open minded. Dark doesn't equal evil. Dark is simply stronger. No, wrong. Intenser? I know you have a bad opinion and bad experiences but I've seen the beauty in it." Then he looked flipped a page in his book. "As I say, muggles do it so I'd hardly call it dark magic. It's not as bleak as you'd think. It's more a metaphor. It's sharing life. What is inherently evil about blood?"
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He said it, wisely, even though he was someone who often fluctuated between extremes. Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn't feel at ease any more and he felt the urge to go and touch base with James. The day felt less sunny suddenly and James could always chase the darkness away.
"...anyway, maybe I should get a girlfriend." There, topic changed.
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Severus looked at his book, not feeling disappointed because he never expected and, besides, it's not over yet. He slipped his hand into his robe pocket and pulled out a necklace, holding it out to Sirius without looking up from his book. "For you. It's a present. Don't worry, it's not dark. I made it myself, it has minor healing properties. It contains Murtlap tentacle mixed into the wood."
The pendant was a simple and jagged piece of wood with a sloppily carved SB on it. He had infused it with something to keep him safe. "As long as you follow that reckless Potter, you need a little safety. It's a token."
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Now he really had to give him something. He closed his fist around the pendant, then let go of Severus, just so he could lean forward and brush his hair to the side, moving the necklace around his neck. "Can you help me do it up?"
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Putting it on for him, he tied the back firmly and then let go, looking at the necklace with a soft smile - a rare sight from him. "It'll help you heal faster. Not super fast but it will cut the time of minor colds in half and surface damage will go swifter. Less chance of scarring too."
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He really wished he was better at putting this into words. "It's not a tool. I think eventually, it always makes the wielder into the tool."
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"I would never do anything to harm or upset you. Please know that. You're my best friend."
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He really wished that nothing would.
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And he was standing by it. "You'll understand one day."
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James didn't look overly needy, but he was sure James would welcome his return anyway. And he felt as if he needed some room to breathe. And so he ran over to the lake's shore, catching James, who had gotten out of the water, and tackling him right down to the ground.
Very needed.