"I never wanted to. I just don't think I can deny what I am. Do you think a man can change? I'm not so sure." He thought people didn't change - just circumstance and context. He would never not want power, he would never not want to hurt but he couldn't tell if he could ever challenge that into good or if he was destined for evil? The hand on his face made him wish he could be better, he wanted Sirius more than he wanted to breathe. "There's so much hate in me, I feel like I could choke on it."