Inside the room he occupied, there wasn't much. A bed and a desk. And books, entirely too many books. Barty had been doing a lot of research, which wasn't exactly anything new. He had always studied a lot, had always wanted to learn. But his research now, it had a purpose.
He approached the wall, tapped the stones in the right order. As the wall opened, he stepped through it.
The magic circle laid untouched. "Lumos."
Just enough light to see, so Barty stepped closer, looked inside the circle. The figure there, ghostly, transparent... So clearly Regulus by now. Down to the way his hair fell to the way he slept. Not just a ghost, no, Barty could sense it. Even now, just kneeling on the edge of the circle.
"Regulus?" He whispered the name, not sure what to expect. Perhaps nothing. But they were getting there, he knew that too. He had hope. A strange feeling to have.
It was like being stuck in a dream. Everything happened around him but nothing happened too. He lived through memories and pictures of things he didn't remember, saw flashes of stuff and felt feelings for things he didn't understand. Nothing made any sense and he knew, terrifyingly, that this wasn't right. He supposed awareness was the first thing he got back. And he really wished it wasn't.
It made everything so much harder. It was terrifying.
He couldn't grasp onto anything, he could steady himself in reality or form words for so long. It was like escaping a dark void and trying to crawl towards some source of light.
Today he felt so close to the edge, he could taste it. He heard someone call his name and knew the voice but not the name so he didn't know who to call to. He reached his hand out impulsively to try and push himself past that edge. "Help."
"Shh, darling. I've got you." Barty wished he could touch him, especially when he saw him reach out, but he didn't dare break the circle. Not right now, not without some preparation. He wished it was that easy, but he also knew that even if he stepped inside, it wasn't as if he could actually hold Regulus. It was too early still. Nothing corporal. He couldn't touch him. "It's me. I'm here to help you."
He wished he knew whether Regulus could understand him. No way to tell so far, but at least he was reacting. That was something. That was good. Regulus looked older than he had been when he'd last seen him, which was strange. Maybe it was just the way this state made him look or maybe he had somehow aged, even in limbo.
He heard that voice again and it was so familiar, it hurt him. He felt like he should know it and the name was on the tip of his tongue but it didn't come. "I don't know where I am." It was dark here, he couldn't see what was in front of him, he wasn't strong enough yet. He was blind and alone, trying to find something solid to hold onto.
It sent a strange feeling over him. Of being smaller and alone, somewhere small and dark then. He saw a face in his mind and wanted to so badly run to it. "S--Sirius?" A name. He knew a name. Not a name for the voice but a name for the one who'd come for him in the dark.
"Sirius isn't here, Regulus. I'm sorry." He wondered idly where Regulus' brother might be at the moment. Still alive? Probably. Although it was hard to say for sure, he certainly seemed like someone looking for death. But there was no need to share those thoughts with Regulus. He had other things to focus on. This was the most interaction he had had with him so far. Maybe they were getting even closer than he had thought.
"I'm Barty, Regulus. Bartemius." And he might despise the name, but for better or worse, it was the name Regulus knew him under. "I'm here to save you."
"Bartemius." He knew that name. It was definitely the right name for the voice. The relief that washed over him as he said the name, like he finally had that solid thing he needed. "Barty." His name was Regulus and this was Barty he was talking to. That made it easier. It made it something more fixed rather than dreamlike.
"I think you will. I-I feel it." Did that make sense? Regulus wasn't sure. He didn't have memories or stable thoughts but he had feelings and instincts. They were what he trusted. The voice was a safe voice. "I know you."
"You know me," Barty agreed, as he lied down on the ground, as close to Regulus as he could get. His eyes were on him and he listened to his voice. Hoped that he truly was getting through to him. It seemed that way. It was as if Regulus was pulled towards him, which made sense if the premise he was working with was actually true. These weren't magical concept that had often been explored at all, he had little to go off on.
Yet here he was, communicating. "You know, darling, sometimes I believe that you know me better than anyone else ever could. I've never let anyone else close. Only you."
"I know you." He believed that. He felt so much familiarity. Pain like he couldn't imagine and love that made his chest ache. He supposed the voice meant something to him once, he just wasn't sure what yet. As he inched closer and closer to himself, he knew he'd learn and remember. It was a matter of time. He had to earn and fight for who he was.
And he wasn't afraid to do it. "Did I let you close?" He had to wonder. He wondered what kind of man he was, how he was with Barty and if he could say the same in return. "I don't remember... tell me who I was?"
"I don't know if you'd have said 'let'. I'll say that I left you no choice." Barty smiled as he remembered the Regulus he had first gotten to know. Who was he? "You were beautiful. In every way. More beautiful than you ever realised. I would never tire of staring at you. You were proud, but your pride was vulnerable. You wanted to be proud and you clung to it, maybe that's a better way to put it."
He wished he could look into Regulus' eyes, but in lieu of that, he just recalled them. "You were emotional. So full of emotion. Quite the temper too. You always said that's a family trait, so I shouldn't complain about it. I never did. I liked anger on you too."
"I think my anger is probably justified. I feel like it would be right now." Given whatever the fuck was happening to him, maybe he had a point. Unseeing and unable to touch - it was kind of pissing him off. Oh! He remembered being pissed off. Well, you know, gotta start somewhere. "I can't say I like how this feels..."
It felt like floating in a void. He tried to move closer to the voice but it still seemed so very far away. Maybe he just needed to know it to find it? "Tell me about you? I want to find you."
Barty laughed and it was a freeing thing. Not laughter weighed down by bitterness or mockery, just honest amusement at this familiar response. "You are a prissy prince, I forgot to mention that."
Although he hoped that much was obvious to Regulus even now. "Me?" How could he describe himself, especially in a way that would help Regulus find his footing? "I'm a fighter. I have been fighting as long as I can remember. Against my father. Against idiocy. Against cowards and the laws of decency. Right now I'm here, fighting the laws of nature for our sake, Regulus. When you are with me, you are protected. You are safe, because I'll fight for you. And I've always thought ahead. A skill you've never trained much."
"I'm sensing a lot of annoyance. Maybe that will light my way." Regulus deadpanned because even lost and scared in the dark, he was definitely still a pissy boy. He tried to see himself, he held out his hands and saw nothing. He waved them in front of him and still nothing but pitch black. He felt a body but he saw none. He wished he just knew how to connect with reality.
He tried to picture Barty. A fighter, a protector, an annoyance... he was forming a picture in his head. He felt himself smile. Could he smile if he had no body? He wasn't sure. "I see a smirk when I think of you, Barty."
"Hmm, maybe you are wrong then. I've never smirked in my life." Barty said it, while smirking, watching Regulus. Watching him move his hands, almost open his eyes. He looked so lifelike. His smile...
He knew he had to wait for the right moment, but what if that moment was now? Sitting up again, he reached out slowly, his hand hovering in the air for a moment before he broke through the circle. Reached for where Regulus' hand was, not sure what to expect. "Can you feel me, Regulus?"
Regulus didn't feel anything at first and then, suddenly, the faintest feeling of a brush against his finger tips hit him. It was like a lightening strike hit him. Then it got stronger and felt so much better, so much more real. Impulsively, he reached out and gripped tight onto the hand, desperate to keep the contact, to have something to hold onto.
His hands slowly took form. Pale and clinging to Barty's hand, his grip surprisingly strong. All his energy went into it. The touch was what he needed, he knew that and he tried to get more, tried to reach out further and hold on. "I feel you! That's you. I can -- I can feel."
Barty gathered his magic, did what he could to focus it in that one hand. He was a powerful wizard, there was no doubt about that. Perhaps even more so now, after he had arguably cheated death. Either way, he hoped it would help Regulus. He wasn't sure what would help him more, magic? Emotion? Awareness, that was what he needed, but how could he help him get it?
"It's interesting. I often felt as if you were the first to make me feel. Now I get to repay the favour."
A questionable favour, perhaps, but he didn't have to share that thought.
The power that surged through Barty was like an anchor for him, he knew what to fix onto and he latched on to the hand and felt the light getting closer and closer. He wanted to follow the voice to wherever it was, he wanted to be there with him.
For a moment, just a moment, Regulus appeared in all his glory before losing his form once more. Exhausted and tired, he didn't give up. He was a stubborn ass, after all.
He moved closer and pushed against the edge of the circle, trying to get out, trying to come back. "I feel so ..." He didn't know what it was that he felt, he just wanted it. "I feel so alive. Guide me, please? I have to stay. I don't want to go back."
"You say that like it's easy." Barty wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing, but he had seen Regulus, right there. It was working. So he moved fully inside the circle himself, still holding Regulus' hand. He tried to hold Regulus, as best he could. "Your name is Regulus Black. Toujours pur. Always pure. The motto of your family."
Maybe the phrase would jolt memories, maybe not. Either way, Barty felt he had to try. "I'm a year younger than you. You always hated that. You felt I should show you more respect. You love attention too. I could never read in peace around you."
"You say that like I'm needy." Regulus laughed, shaking his head like he didn't agree. He tried to focus on how it made him feel and followed it. The annoyance, the amusement, the outrage. All of it felt so very him. He just needed to keep true and follow Barty. He felt like he could see him now, he could see a face and those eyes - those calculating eyes. Always on a book, never on him. He loved reading and...
"You loved Quidditch."
He remembered that. He remembered a green and grey scarf, he remembered his broom and a swell of pride. Gripping onto Barty, he actually managed to hold onto his clothes as he flashed into his own form again, looking half of out his mind but so relieved. "I fell off my broom once getting the snitch!"
"M-hm. You did." Barty kept his eyes on Regulus' face, flashing in and out of view. More solid than he had been before, becoming more and more so by the minute. By the moment, even. He almost felt as if he could lean in to kiss him, so whatever he was doing? It seemed to be working. "You were Seeker. You had that uniform, I can still see you in it."
He licked his lips, smiling. "First time I jerked off, I was picturing you in that. I still remember your face when I told you. You were so scandalised."
Being outrageous, being himself, it seemed to actually do something to pull Regulus closer to realisation.
"Best seeker in all of Slytherin. Doesn't mean you're allowed to use me as -- as wank bait." Urgh, what a turn of phrase. It's more something Sirius would say. Regulus laughed as he clung to Barty, trying to move closer, to be close and here. He wanted to be here in the world again, he couldn't go back. "You're such a teasing little ne'er-do-well."
And yet, he laughed even so. He wasn't usually one for laughter but the thrill of emotions in him was almost euphoric as things rushed back.
"Some days I could just hit you, you devious sod."
"Let it be today, darling. Won't you please?" Barty was teasing, begging, feeling so close to a humanity he had been lacking for years. How he'd missed Regulus. He had barely even let himself think about it. "You said that once. That I'm the only one who can make you laugh while making you angry."
And there was a difference. There had always been a difference. Something about Regulus made him stand apart from everyone else. "You are special, Regulus. You are mine. I wanted you and I got you and I'll take you back now."
That was all he needed to here. He lost his footing and tumbled into the light, the room brightened for a moment before falling back into the dim light it had always had.
And there was Regulus - naked, exhausted and very much there.
If he wasn't holding onto Barty, he'd straight up have fallen down but as it stood, he was using his clothing to keep himself up. Looking at Barty, he could finally see him - properly and clearly. His face. He knew that annoying, beautiful face. Older, more tired and wilder than before but so very much Barty. He couldn't speak, he was too in awe to speak, too lost in this moment to find his words. He was alive.
Barty knew, rationally, that he should hurry to stabilise him, check his vitals, keep him warm. A thousand different things that should come right now. But he pushed back on that and instead here he was, his arms around Regulus and his lips on his. Kissing him, the way he last had years and years ago, in what seemed lifetimes ago.
Still kissing, he also sunk to the ground, helping Regulus lie down and, ever so helpfully, laying down on top of him. There, that was one way to keep him warm. Finally he pulled back from the kiss, his fingers running through Regulus' hair. It felt just the same, silky and soft, begging to be petted, begging to be pulled. Depending on the mood. "Welcome back, Regulus."
"Quite the welcoming party I'm getting too." Being kissed was something he never thought he'd feel again so to have a kiss? It was exhilarating. With a bright grin on his face, he couldn't help but laugh before raising his hand and lightly thumping Barty on the shoulder. It wasn't strong, he had no strength to give now. "Bloody bastard, I am not prissy."
He flopped back, sinking against the ground, a stupid smile on his face as he just tried to catch his breath. He looked at Barty, truly looked at him, just taking his friend in. "You look older..." Worrying. "How long -- What did I miss?"
"Give it time, Regulus. Shh." He put a finger on Regulus' lips, partly just to see that spark of indignant anger in his eyes. However, Barty also reached for his wand and used it to quickly cast a warming spell, then accio the blanket from the other room. He helped Regulus get comfortable, wondering if he should risk food. For now, he decided, water would do, and so he accio'd a bottle of that as well, opening it up and holding it for Regulus, not sure just how weakened he was. "I will tell you everything and answer your question. But first, tell me how you feel."
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He approached the wall, tapped the stones in the right order. As the wall opened, he stepped through it.
The magic circle laid untouched. "Lumos."
Just enough light to see, so Barty stepped closer, looked inside the circle. The figure there, ghostly, transparent... So clearly Regulus by now. Down to the way his hair fell to the way he slept. Not just a ghost, no, Barty could sense it. Even now, just kneeling on the edge of the circle.
"Regulus?" He whispered the name, not sure what to expect. Perhaps nothing. But they were getting there, he knew that too. He had hope. A strange feeling to have.
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It made everything so much harder. It was terrifying.
He couldn't grasp onto anything, he could steady himself in reality or form words for so long. It was like escaping a dark void and trying to crawl towards some source of light.
Today he felt so close to the edge, he could taste it. He heard someone call his name and knew the voice but not the name so he didn't know who to call to. He reached his hand out impulsively to try and push himself past that edge. "Help."
He didn't know where he was.
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He wished he knew whether Regulus could understand him. No way to tell so far, but at least he was reacting. That was something. That was good. Regulus looked older than he had been when he'd last seen him, which was strange. Maybe it was just the way this state made him look or maybe he had somehow aged, even in limbo.
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It sent a strange feeling over him. Of being smaller and alone, somewhere small and dark then. He saw a face in his mind and wanted to so badly run to it. "S--Sirius?" A name. He knew a name. Not a name for the voice but a name for the one who'd come for him in the dark.
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"I'm Barty, Regulus. Bartemius." And he might despise the name, but for better or worse, it was the name Regulus knew him under. "I'm here to save you."
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"I think you will. I-I feel it." Did that make sense? Regulus wasn't sure. He didn't have memories or stable thoughts but he had feelings and instincts. They were what he trusted. The voice was a safe voice. "I know you."
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Yet here he was, communicating. "You know, darling, sometimes I believe that you know me better than anyone else ever could. I've never let anyone else close. Only you."
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And he wasn't afraid to do it. "Did I let you close?" He had to wonder. He wondered what kind of man he was, how he was with Barty and if he could say the same in return. "I don't remember... tell me who I was?"
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He wished he could look into Regulus' eyes, but in lieu of that, he just recalled them. "You were emotional. So full of emotion. Quite the temper too. You always said that's a family trait, so I shouldn't complain about it. I never did. I liked anger on you too."
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It felt like floating in a void. He tried to move closer to the voice but it still seemed so very far away. Maybe he just needed to know it to find it? "Tell me about you? I want to find you."
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Although he hoped that much was obvious to Regulus even now. "Me?" How could he describe himself, especially in a way that would help Regulus find his footing? "I'm a fighter. I have been fighting as long as I can remember. Against my father. Against idiocy. Against cowards and the laws of decency. Right now I'm here, fighting the laws of nature for our sake, Regulus. When you are with me, you are protected. You are safe, because I'll fight for you. And I've always thought ahead. A skill you've never trained much."
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He tried to picture Barty. A fighter, a protector, an annoyance... he was forming a picture in his head. He felt himself smile. Could he smile if he had no body? He wasn't sure. "I see a smirk when I think of you, Barty."
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He knew he had to wait for the right moment, but what if that moment was now? Sitting up again, he reached out slowly, his hand hovering in the air for a moment before he broke through the circle. Reached for where Regulus' hand was, not sure what to expect. "Can you feel me, Regulus?"
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His hands slowly took form. Pale and clinging to Barty's hand, his grip surprisingly strong. All his energy went into it. The touch was what he needed, he knew that and he tried to get more, tried to reach out further and hold on. "I feel you! That's you. I can -- I can feel."
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"It's interesting. I often felt as if you were the first to make me feel. Now I get to repay the favour."
A questionable favour, perhaps, but he didn't have to share that thought.
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For a moment, just a moment, Regulus appeared in all his glory before losing his form once more. Exhausted and tired, he didn't give up. He was a stubborn ass, after all.
He moved closer and pushed against the edge of the circle, trying to get out, trying to come back. "I feel so ..." He didn't know what it was that he felt, he just wanted it. "I feel so alive. Guide me, please? I have to stay. I don't want to go back."
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Maybe the phrase would jolt memories, maybe not. Either way, Barty felt he had to try. "I'm a year younger than you. You always hated that. You felt I should show you more respect. You love attention too. I could never read in peace around you."
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"You loved Quidditch."
He remembered that. He remembered a green and grey scarf, he remembered his broom and a swell of pride. Gripping onto Barty, he actually managed to hold onto his clothes as he flashed into his own form again, looking half of out his mind but so relieved. "I fell off my broom once getting the snitch!"
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He licked his lips, smiling. "First time I jerked off, I was picturing you in that. I still remember your face when I told you. You were so scandalised."
Being outrageous, being himself, it seemed to actually do something to pull Regulus closer to realisation.
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And yet, he laughed even so. He wasn't usually one for laughter but the thrill of emotions in him was almost euphoric as things rushed back.
"Some days I could just hit you, you devious sod."
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And there was a difference. There had always been a difference. Something about Regulus made him stand apart from everyone else. "You are special, Regulus. You are mine. I wanted you and I got you and I'll take you back now."
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And there was Regulus - naked, exhausted and very much there.
If he wasn't holding onto Barty, he'd straight up have fallen down but as it stood, he was using his clothing to keep himself up. Looking at Barty, he could finally see him - properly and clearly. His face. He knew that annoying, beautiful face. Older, more tired and wilder than before but so very much Barty. He couldn't speak, he was too in awe to speak, too lost in this moment to find his words. He was alive.
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Still kissing, he also sunk to the ground, helping Regulus lie down and, ever so helpfully, laying down on top of him. There, that was one way to keep him warm. Finally he pulled back from the kiss, his fingers running through Regulus' hair. It felt just the same, silky and soft, begging to be petted, begging to be pulled. Depending on the mood. "Welcome back, Regulus."
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He flopped back, sinking against the ground, a stupid smile on his face as he just tried to catch his breath. He looked at Barty, truly looked at him, just taking his friend in. "You look older..." Worrying. "How long -- What did I miss?"
How long was he dead for?
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