"I want you more than I can stand and it's too much for me to handle." What was he supposed to do? Confess his love, get together and change his ways? Not possible. Sirius would never want him and he could never change. He knew what was in him, he knew he wasn't a good man. He sat in the grounds and slowly pulled legs off spiders for fun, he tortured the animals in the woods and poisoned first years for a lark. He knew Sirius would never love someone like him. "You don't want me. That's the real problem here. If you opened your eyes and stopped being blinded by goodness, you'd see what a rat I am. You pretend my flaws aren't there. It's not the same as accepting them."